We both laughed    /    No one spoke

    when you soiled yourself in the car    

    on that    

joyous    /    tragic

    day    

    when you    

came home    /    left home

    for the    

first time    /    last time

We    /    They

    prepared a room for you    

bright and colorful    /    muted and flat

    chosen to    

stimulate    /    pacify

    your senses    

    with a window    

that opens    /    that cannot be opened

    upon a    

green garden    /    concrete courtyard

    that lets you    

explore    /    escape

    the world

    

    I keep    

remembering    /    repressing

    how I    

looked forward to    /    dreaded

    the    

challenge    /    chore

    of trying to get you to eat    

    your strained food    

green and orange and yellow    /    brown and white and gray

    how you would fuss with your bib    

    and push your food off the tray    

    The    

heartwarming    /    heartbreaking

    sounds you would make    

cooing and giggling    /    coughing and sobbing

    as we ran our fingers through your    

soft and downy    /    lank and thinning

    hair    

    The    

clean    /    musty

    smell    

    of your    

smooth    /    blotchy

    skin    

    I think of    

    the life    

before you    /    behind you

    and all    

    the memories    

you will make    /    you have lost

    I will stay here    

    with you now    

    and watch you sleep    

    in my heart    

    secretly     

fearing    /    hoping

    your breathing    

    will stop